President of Loser Club

Loser's guide to Gyms

As some of you might know, I, the president of loser club, have a gym membership and i actually go to the gym on a regular basis. You people may think that by joining a gym, my loser level decreases and that makes me unfit to become the president of this prestigious club. YOU ARE WRONGG!! This is because if you stick to certain guidelines, the gym membership will actually increase your loser level, my gym membership(and going on holiday alone) has actually helped me achieve the title super champion supreme grandmaster loser. So, to reach the peak of loserdom, join a gym today and follow these simple guidelines:

1. Always go to the gym at the loser hour, not many people know when the loser hour is, everyone knows early in the morning is the Veteran hour, nearer to noon would be College girls hour(someone told me this, i never got to wake up early enough to go to the gym at this time of day), Lunch time is the Health freak hour, from about 6-10pm is the Peak hour. Loser hour starts when most of the chicks have left, which is at around 11pm, it is kinda ironic because the main reason a loser joins a gym is to see girls, but of course being a loser means you're a champion of procrastination, so it doesn't matter how hard you try to come early, you will always end up going to the gym at 11pm. There are some benefits when you go to the gym late though, since there are not many people you don't have to queue to use the equipments and you don't have to go under someone's armpits to get your gym bag out of the locker.

2. Make sure you use as much soap and shampoo as you can, you know you wont get your money's worth since you only go to the gym an hour a day because you always reach the gym late, so each time you take a shower, make sure you use at least 20 bucks worth of soap and shampoo. This will require you to empty out 5 shower stalls worth of soap and shampoo. One advice though, never soap up your ass too much, this is because the water pressure will always drop when its time for you to wash your ass, which results in some excess unwashed soap stuck between your ass cheeks. Sure it doesn't feel weird when you step out of the shower, but when you put on some pants and the soap kinda dries up a bit, it will feel like you just crapped your pants. But if you have never experienced how crapping your pants feel, feel free to soap up your ass with a whole bottle, its better to experience it with soap than actual shit.

3. Always look confident whenever you do any workout routine, even though you don't know what you're doing, this way, even if you do it wrong, people will think you're experimenting or something.

4. NEVER STARE AT OTHER GUY'S BALLS!! There will always be some dudes who go around naked in the changing room, and its usually the oldest guy with the saggiest of ballsacks, you may think that looking at it would give you thrills that would equal the experince of watching a horror movie, YOU ARE WRONG!!! The sight of it will spoil your eyes, kill brain cells and increases your gay level. An increase in gay level will decrease your loser level in a bad way, and you dont want that.

5. Never join dance classes at a gym, it will make you look like a wuss that needs beating up. I just cant stand those big fat asses and gay fags who join those disco dancing classes, they always act like they look cool doing those dance moves without realising that they actually look like retards. I'm pretty sure most of them would replicate the moves they learnt at the gym at clubs and would think they look super cool, when the fact of the matter is that people are actually making fun of them behind their backs and giving them false praise just to see them dance like fools more. Hmm, that would actually make them great loser candidates.

I'm getting lazy and i need to sleep, so im just gonna stop writing now, i may continue to add more to this list later on, if i feel like it.

Jamban Orang Cacat

Have you guys ever used the jamban orang cacat? (Toilet for the handicapped). Is it wrong for non disabled people to use it? Well maybe if you use it while 5 guys on wheelchairs are waiting for you to finish taking a dump, that would totally be wrong. But if you know theres no disabled people anywhere near the toilet at the time, theres nothing wrong with using HTs right.( I'm gonna start using HT to refer to Handicap Toilet cause im lazy to type it out everytime). I myself prefer to use HTs whenever theres one available. Usually only in offices where i know there are no disabled people though, those retarded colleagues of yours are not considered disabled and they wouldnt be using the HTs anyway since retards dont usually know that they are retarded.

Anyway, there are of course lots of advantages that HTs have over regular toilets. For one it is more spacious to fit wheelchairs and all, so its much more comfortable, you can spread your legs and take a dump without having your knees touch some sticky stuff on the toilet wall or something, this allows shit to pass through easier. Being spacious also allows the stench from your crap to spread through the air more evenly so you wont pass out from the concentrated smell of your feces. HTs also usually have low sink bowls, which would usually be at the same level where your balls are. If you dont already know, Muslims wash their balls after taking a piss, so these low sinks are ideal for washing balls. Some are low enough that you could put your balls into the bowl and give it a good wash, I LIKE. HTs are also usually cleaner since not many people use it and disabled people are more likely to flush and know how to target when they piss unlike some people. The best jamban orang cacat that i have been in must be the one at the menara rebung Telekom, its not only very spacious, it also has an almost full length mirror, where you can pose after taking a good shit, you know like giving your self a double thumbs up after a successful transaction.

There are disadvantages of using HTs though. Because of the space, sometimes the toilet paper is a bit far away, so you have to make sure the drippings have stopped before you attempt to get some. And the other major issue is that HTs need to be easily accessible so its usually placed near walkways and such, so people walking by could usually hear you do your business. Imagine hearing footsteps and people talking outside the door just as you are about to let go of the motherload, that you know is gonna be accompanied by a machine gun fart. If you have good reflexes and strong ass muscles (this can be trained with kungfu), you will be able to stop it in time, but if you dont, you might consider waiting awhile before you go out. Well, you wouldnt really want people to see you walk out of a HT too though, this is also another disadvantage, you will always have to wait until the coast is clear before you get out of the toilet, but if people do see you, you can always walk a little funny and maybe act a bit retarded i guess.

I never park in a handicapped parking spot though, and i only use the HTs only when i'm sure there are no disabled people around, please comment on what your thoughts are on this, hehe, so i dont have to write another blog post for a few months and still have new content here, heheh.

6 weird things about me

Ok this is gonna be one of those "you got tagged so you must write a blog" thingy. I dont usually go on writing these kind of things, you know the ones you get from emails and forums posts or something. But since this was the first time i was ever tagged on a blog and the one who tagged me was a girl, i decided to go with it anyway, hehe, it actually made me feel like an actual blogger now, its like some kind of blogger initiation or something i guess, so thanks cherishly for making me feel belonged. Anyway, here it goes, 6 weird things about me:

1. I dont eat any kind of vegetables, at all. I just dont like the taste of it, and i believe vegetables are not exactly good for you, its just a propaganda or someting. And before you ask "Kao berak tak sakit ke?" i do eat fruits, so i have no trouble taking a dump.

2. I'm turning 27 this year and i have never shaved ever. All I've done so far to keep my facial hair in check is by trimming em with scissors, well I'm not a hairy guy anyway so i guess its not that surprising.

3. I have never dated and never had a girlfriend and I'm not gay, for such a good looking guy like myself this is pretty weird right. I would state what i believe could have caused this but it would be too long so i guess i'll write about it as a post by itself or something someday, hehe

4. I do not comb my hair, even when my hair is long. Combing my hair would be pointless anyway because it will end up all messed up after a while anyway. Good thing my hair is pretty manageable and can be made to look ok with just some water and a run through with the fingers.

5. I truly believe that after being a loser for such a long time I've developed a loser aura, an aura that can be sensed by chicks from miles away and make them want to move away from it. Well at least maybe just deter chicks who are single or something. This is because whenever i go to a place where chicks usually hang out, THERE WILL BE NO CHICKS, well even when there are chicks, there wont be alot of em and they are mostly with their boyfriends or something. And the usual thing that i would hear when i just reached a place would be "Tadi ada banyak awek, tapi semua dah blah" from my friends, my friends could attest to that. There was one time though when i was at Hartamas, Mariam Murni Adam was there,she's hot, I WANT, this has led me to believe that supermodels have very high resistance to loser aura, so i guess the only girls that i can meet now are supermodels, if any of you guys know where they hang out please let me know, hehe.

6. I can fly and can shoot lasers from my eyes, being such a weird guy i thought it would be easy to think up 6 weird things about myself, its actually quite hard, so i decided to reveal my secret, I'M SUPERMAN.

Ok now its my turn to tag people so they have to write 6 weird things about themselves, i hereby tag sarol, fifi, keith, nasi gay, amir, zung aka ephrael, harbx and everyone that reads this blog and has a blog.

Deodorant

Deodorants are overrated. Cmon, whats so great about em that whenever i say ive never used deodorants ever, people start giving me that appalled look, like im some kind of uncivilized caveman or something. Ive never had people saying that i smell or anything, so why bother using em. Well i do get sweaty armpits and all that but thats natural right, and i dont really go out into the sun much so it doesnt bother me. Trust me if i smell my parents would be the first ones saying " YOU SMELL, GO SLAP SOME OF THAT DEODORANT ON THEM TRASHCAN ARMPITS OF YOURS!!!"(Something like thatla). So if you dont smell when you dont wear deodorant, whats the point right, you may get sweaty armpits, so what, its just water, a few minutes of blowing your car aircondition on em will dry em up good. Trust me on this ive done it plenty of times, and it works, just have to put it on full blast.

So what has made using deodorant some sort of a must for everyone? I believe it was all started by a propaganda from a very long time ago. The deodorant makers must have spread rumours that say if you dont use deodorant you will smell and people will hate you. So people started using it even when they dont smell. Well of course you will smell if you were working under the sun all day and all that but then thats all natural and i dont think any amount of deodorant can cover that smell up. So once they get people to use it, they deviced some kind of chemical in the deodorant that will be absorbed by the armpits that will make people smell bad when they stop using deodorant, so people become reliant on deodorants to not smell and so they will have a regular client base. And now they use commercials with chicks in em to get young people to start using deodorants. Like that commercial with that loser guy, the one where at first when he had sweaty armpits the chick hated him, but when he used deodorant given by his other loser scout friend he suddenly becomes superman and saved the girl and the girl falls for him and all that. If i didnt know better im sure i wouldve gone to the nearest shop and bought myself deodorant, the chick in that commercial is Lisa Surihani yo, she is hawt, if using deodorant would get me a chick like that i'd be putting deodorant all over my body. But of course being the genius that i am, i know that all that is just another propaganda created by the media to sell more junk.

So, for all of you who started to use deodorant just because other people were using it, i suggest you try to not use deodorant for a month, that would surely clear up your system of it. If you still smell after being deodorant sober for a month, try to get yourself checked into those armpit rehabs. If that doesnt help, then i guess you were meant to be smelly anyways and you should start getting addicted to deodorant again. Dont get me wrong i agree that there are smelly people out there who actually need deodorant, but im also sure some are just using deodorants just because everyone else is using it. I'm sure there are others who have sweet smelling armpits like me. Hmm, or am i a freak of nature, am i the only one in the world with sweet smelling armpits, if thats the case i guess you can disregard everthing that i have wrote so far, haha. If you guys dont believe i have nice smelling armpits, you smelly people are welcome to come sniff it, it smells as sweet as pie i tell you. Well, i think perfume and soap are overrated too, but then that might also be because i smell naturally nice, haha.      

Roaches

Cockroaches must be the most misunderstood insect. Most people believe that every roach they see is gonna try and crawl up their leg and bite the insides of their butts. Thats why  most people are afraid of roaches and try to avoid em at all cost, since getting the insides of your butts bitten is not a pleasant feeling. This whole idea of roaches biting the insides of butts is not true at all, roaches are actually very much afraid of people and they are actually trying to avoid crawling up your leg and biting the insides of your butt. THE INSIDES OF BUTTS ARE NOT TASTY. What led to this misconception is that when people see a cockroach they will usually jump around to avoid it and at the same time the roach is trying to avoid the person, so the person will end up jumping into the path which the roach is trying to take to avoid the person at the first place and the roach will have no choice but to crawl up the person's leg and bite the insides of the person's butt. I realized that roaches were actually trying to avoid people from my own experience, i was walking in the dark one time and i noticed something was moving around on the floor. I looked closely and found that it was actually a couple of roaches and they were actually avoiding me, they were moving around close to me but they didn't touch me once. Since then i never try to avoid roaches whenever i see one, they will actually avoid you instead. But please be warned there are some retarded roaches that will actually climb up your leg and bite the insides of your butt. These roaches do it because they are just plain retarded, cmon, we have retarded people who climb up peoples legs and bites the insides of their butts too. Since its almost impossible to tell retarded roaches and normal roaches apart, my theory on roaches might not make sense and might not be useful at all.  So next time you see a roach try not to move and see if it crawls up your leg and bite the insides of your butt, if it does then you'll know its one of those retarded roaches. Oh yeah, 3rd rule of loser club:

3. Always write about some random stuff that might not even make sense at all

2nd Rule of loser club

I was planning to write this right after my first post, but got lazy so i didnt write it. Its supposed to be like, OMG i broke the first rule of loser club which is being lazy by posting another blog entry so quickly, since the 2nd rule is

2. Must always break Rules

but then i didnt actually break it now since i did get lazy and did write it like quite a while after the first post, but then again i am still writing this and it still takes an effort, so im sort of kinda breaking the first rule, but hell, this is the 2nd rule anyway. So if you wanna be a loser, go break some rules NOWW, if you see a red light, RUN IT,( My record is 5 consecutive red lights /flex), when you see a No U-turn sign, TAKE THAT UTURN,(even if you werent intending to take that u-turn), DRINK AND DRIVE (by this i dont mean drinking alcohol and driving, drinking alcohol is haram and might get you into HELL, HELL is not a nice place to be in, i meant drinking any other types of drink while youre driving with one hand, this is still considered breaking the rules, i think.) Ok im getting super lazy now, writing all this have already taken a few hours of my time( i like to stop after a few words and go do something else), so its gonna be a while more before i post something else or maybe i'll break the lazy rule again and post again tomorrow or something. so anyway come back when i do,

First Rule of Loser Club

1.You must be lazy.

So since this blog isnt going to write itself it will be a while before anything worthwhile is gonna be written here. Writing this is taking up my lazy time already. And to abide to the rules of the club, each post will take 2-3 hours to write, per line. And issues written will at least be a few weeks old, since procrastination is the product of laziness.  I'm getting lazy to write anymore  so  this will be all for now. Please come back in  a few months time to know what happened to me today.